Well, this might not seem like your idea of a good time. However, “undertaking” (good or bad pun?) this task may help loved ones to get through a time of grief more easily.

Having a chronic illness like allergic asthma, coupled with COPD and other complications, gave me incentive to think about taking this on. I just completed a shorter version in keeping with the times. Obituaries aren’t published the way they used to be unless you pay for it, and sometimes not even then. Of course, if unlike me you happen to be famous with much news having been written or broadcast about you, well getting obituary facts in order may still be a good idea for the sake of your loved ones, friends and colleagues. A funeral home or burial service, and a faith community, may be greatly assisted by the background your survivors provide, considered sometimes well in advance.

Here are suggestions to reflect on how to go about this challenge.

• • Check out your resume to see what most matters.
  • If anyone has ever written or broadcast about you, that is a good resource.
  • If you’ve done a personal memoir for family and friends like I suggested in another blog post, check out what is most significant from that work.
  • Ask family members, close friends and colleagues what they will most remember about you and take a few notes. You can explain why you are asking. And those you speak with may think this idea is a good one for them as well.

Based on what you collect, figure out a lead description for yourself, what is most important about you. Make sure what others are saying jives with what you want to emphasize.

I really spent some time on this for myself. In my lede I described myself as a writer and publicist who related to seven religiously affiliated initiatives over a career spanning five decades. In the second paragraph I spoke of once visiting a divinity school to consider studying for ordination, but felt “called away” from that direction and ended up working or consulting as a lay professional with Lutheran, United Methodist, Mennonite, American Baptist, Episcopalian, Roman Catholic and Jewish organizations.

I went on to describe that history a bit more, but briefly. Then I mentioned books I have self-published late in life. Don’t omit retirement activities of note. People are often living longer these days, and they may achieve some of their greatest accomplishments in “retirement.” Remaining details can include distinctive interests or activities and need to include reference to survivors of note and hometowns. Of course you won’t be able to write down details regarding your death. Others will fill in the blanks. If someone hasn’t taken a recent photo of you, it’s time to have one on hand.

Good luck thinking about this important step. Thanks for “listening.”

When I speak to groups I often suggest that folks write a memoir for family and friends.

To view my memoir take a look here

OK, so you might be saying, “I’m not a writer” or “I don’t know what to say. Why should I consider doing a memoir? Who would publish it?”

Good questions. But remember, what you don’t write down for those you care about to see may be forever lost. Too often when we gather for family occasions ideas you might want remembered don’t get talked about.

So you may say, “I’m not important enough to write a memoir.” But you ARE important to those who love you, who care about you. When I wrote my memoir during the pandemic I had time on my hands to think about writing one. And, I thought, telling multiple stories of my life frankly might be of interest to family members after I’m gone and they want to remember me. I never thought it would ever be published. After all, the only name recognition I really have is on signs that appear on the front of certain office supply stores!

I suggest that folks begin by sitting in a quiet place and thinking about your life. Is there a theme to your life story? What stands out? How do you want to be remembered? What stories might you share by writing them down in a way you might never converse about during your daily life routine?

Here’s a funny anecdote from my life. I’ll bet you have one too to include in your story.

One of my first summer jobs was working for my homeowner newspaper in Melrose, MA, a little suburb outside of Boston. My mother knew the editor, and so I was hired. I wrote obituaries, playground news, and I pored through wedding forms brides and grooms would fill out for me to write a news story for the weekly paper following their weekend marriage ceremony.

The last day of work, the matronly editor of the paper asked if I would drive the newspaper’s panel truck about nine miles into Boston to pick up some rolls of newsprint. I had just gotten my driver’s license. I had never driven a large panel truck before. I remember the editor, Dorothy Raymond, patting my shoulder as she said, “You can do this…”

Getting in the truck and starting it was the last uneventful thing that happened on the trip to Boston. On the way from the parking lot I steered too close to a corner of the building, sheered off the side mirror and listened to it crash in the driveway. I decided to just keep going.

Next, I needed to cross the Mystic River toll bridge. Unfortunately I did not maneuver the the narrow drive entrance to the toll booth successfully. Rather, I drove the vehicle over the left curb. Horrified, I was heading toward the toll booth itself. I can still picture how the collector ran for his life out the booth side door. Fortunately, I was able to maneuver the truck back onto the drive entrance. I nervously handed him the toll money. We were both really sweating.

Next stop, Clarendon Street at the newsprint warehouse. I backed the vehicle too close to the loading dock, slightly damaging the rear doors. The warehouse foreman came to the driver’s side window and said sarcastically. “Do you want to load newsprint rolls into the truck? If so you are going to have to pull forward.”

The rest of the trip proceeded uneventfully. As I drove into the parking lot of the newspaper, I noticed someone had cleaned up the side view mirror mishap.

Ms. Raymond was very nice to me. “Don’t worry,” she said, “we can fix the truck. I’m glad nothing happened to YOU.”

I wonder what my mother and Ms. Raymond talked about after the truck incident. Or if they hired an intern the next summer.

Suggestion. Think about sitting in a quiet place each day. Think about the stories and events of your life you want to leave behind as a legacy to your family and friends. Make a list. When you are ready, begin to put your story together. Take a little time each day to develop your ideas. Don’t worry about how long it takes, but be disciplined. I like to write in the morning. I sometimes spend an hour or two at it before thinking about breakfast. Storyworth, a new initiative, can help you with a memoir. They send out weekly questions for would-be memoir writers to answer. But you can do the kind of self-storytelling on your own. Honest.

Sometimes reading the stories of others in a memoir they produce may inspire you. But don’t worry if lack of fame is a concern of yours. Remember, every life matters. Especially yours. Write me if you have concerns or questions. I’d be glad to chat with you electronically.